Parenthood Spoiler Alert!
by Copywriter
Summary: The longest TV Guide synopsis ever after I viewed a particularly frustrating episode that fans might recognize.


Consider this the longest TV Guide synopsis ever, created following a viewing of a very frustrating episode ending... Hey, I'm just venting here! Enjoy!

Sarah and Hank return to San Francisco, commiserating with each other following their dual disappointments of Sarah's fiancé Mark breaking-up with her, and Hank's ex-wife and daughter moving to Minnesota. Hank, emotionally fragile and at his breaking point, snaps on board the flight home. Sarah's typically bungling attempts to intervene alerts a sky-marshal to defensive action, wounding Hank after he takes a flight attendant hostage with a steak knife from first-class. Sarah, powered by shock, adrenaline and her standard poor impulse control, wrestles with the sky-marshal. Another shot rings out, killing the marshall instantly. Hank steps in, and while wounded and bleeding, grabs the marshal's handgun, shooting the cockpit door-lock open and killing the pilot and co-pilot before turning the gun on himself. Sarah foolishly attempts to take control of the plane, only to hilariously flip every switch, push every button, twist every dial, and yank every lever while trying to raise help over the radio. Her adorable fumbling confusion continues until she manages to drive the Boeing 737 jet into California interstate 580, killing all aboard. Scores of drivers die, horrifically mangled, burned and crushed by the onslaught of wreckage and fuel. Ironically the carnage includes Sarah's former fiancé, who helplessly witnesses the oncoming disastrous fireball while stuck in stalled traffic.

Meanwhile, Adam and Crosby appear before the city council and successfully defend the charges lodged against them by their hot-headed back-alley neighbor. Seething with rage, the disgruntled woman fire-bombs the embattled Luncheonette, killing Adam and in-session musicians Blues Traveller. Crosby, seriously burned and disfigured vows revenge. The shallow and self-entitled Jasmine, blames Crosby for all the drama leading to the fire, and moves out with her son. Conflicted about his mother's decision, Jabbar acts out and seeks council of friendly gang members, resulting in a thug-related home invasion. Jasmine gets raped and beaten to a pulp while Jabbar is forced to watch and participate. As she lay bleeding and brutalized with her son on top of her, their eyes meet in silent horror. Then the thug leader places the muzzle of his Glock 17 at the base of Jabbar's skull and squeezes the trigger. Jabbar's face explodes in a bloody mist as Jasmine goes into convulsions and dies with a silent scream contorting her gaping mouth. In his hospital room, morphine addled Crosby learns of his wife and son's deaths. In his rage-fueled anger he escapes to his beloved Luncheonette and the arsonist-neighbor's home. There he gives in to his blind fury and hacks the woman to chunks before finally succumbing to his own wounds.

In time, the deaths of Sarah, Mark, Adam, Crosby, Jasmine and Jabbar are confirmed, shaking the Braverman clan to the core. Adam's wife Kristina, weakened by her cancer chemotherapy, collapses into a coma and dies on the way to the hospital. Daughter Hattie, on emergency leave from her college gathers her Asberger's afflicted brother Max and her baby sister and heads to grandparents Zeek and Camille's OC home, where the rest of the clan assembles. Max's Asberger's explodes uncontrolled until Zeek finally steps up and backhands the little asshole across the family room. Max hits the fireplace mantle with a concussive force that knocks him out long enough for the troubled family to sit down and calm their nerves. Julia and Joel's adopted son Victor decides to challenge Zeek's authority and rushes at him, screaming with his little league baseball bat in hand. Before his parents can react in their non-confrontational wimpy parenting style, Zeek grabs the fireplace poker near Max's limp body and grand-slams Victor's gut with a lung-draining "OOOOFFF!" sending him sliding across the hardwood floor into a crumpled heap, his bat clattering at his side. The remaining conscious Braverman kith and kin sit frozen in silence, as Zeek drops the poker clanging into the hearth. "Enough!" Zeek snarls before taking a long pull of cheap scotch. Amber's Afghanistan-vet boyfriend, PTSD sufferer Ryan comes to life in combat fury and right-hooks Zeek, powering the highball glass well into the patriarch's skull in a shower of blood, bone and glass. Recovering her senses, Camille dives to her husband's defense wielding a chrome-plated garden trowel, driving it deep into the crazed soldier's mouth, bearing her full weight atop the man as he slams into the floor severing his spinal cord. Amber scrambles to her lover's body, trips over her grandmother and falls into the fireplace, impales her left eye onto the andiron spindle with enough force to drive through her skull and kill her instantly. Amber's brother Drew hurries to his sister's side, only to also trip over his grandmother, fall onto the other andiron spindle and impale his right eye with enough force to drive through his skull and kill him instantly. Disoriented but quickly alert, Max raises himself up surveying the carnage surrounding him. Camille hurries to comfort and shield the boy, who in an uncharacteristic turn cries for his grandpa, and the rest, exhibiting actual compassion and concern for other people. Apparently the crack to his skull short-circuited his Asbergers, making Max an empathetic child. A tiny trickle of blood winds from his nose to his upper lip, but quickly gushes to a torrent. Max collapses dead where he stood. Hattie scoops up her little sister and hysterically runs from her grandparent's rustic home and directly into the path of a speeding UPS truck that slams them brutally into the hot asphalt before its massive dual rear tires crush both their heads flat. Camille had rushed after her granddaughters just in time to witness their devastating death, whereupon she convulses and dies from the cumulative shock. Julia, Joel and Sydney cling together in a shivering huddled mass, unblinking, in shock, trying to make sense of what just happened. Finally a meteorite crashes through the roof and explodes with enough energy to level the house, the barn and greenhouse, turning Julia, Joel and Sydney into little more than a oily red blotch under the smoldering debris. SERIES FINALE.


End file.
